[FamilyofGod] Contingency Plans: How to actually keep a New Year's Resolution!!
Many people find it difficult keeping New Year's Resolutions. As we are looking at the end of this year and looking behind us to see all that has happened, many people look at ways to better oneself in some way or another. Some want to lose weight, quit smoking, eat better, or other things that we deem as "healthy". Others want to better themselves by keeping a better attitude -- reducing stress, reducing anger, and so on. Others that are religious or spiritual in some way, wish to become more serious about whatever path they have chosen. But, why is it that such a HIGH percentage of people that make the resolutions cannot seem to keep them? Actually, the reason is very simple -- it's how we write the goals and define them. Often, people will make vague goals -- "I want to lose weight." But that doesn't say how someone will do that. It doesn't say how MUCH weight is being lost. Here's another -- "I want to eat better." What is that? Not defining a goal is almost a recipe for failure. So, first step -- DEFINE YOUR GOAL. Because it is a common one -- I am using losing weight as an example. This can of course be substituted for ANY goal that you want to achieve. Also, it never has to be only the New Year. We can make goals each day. In fact, we need to open to redefining things when a goal seems unattainable. It doesn't mean that we don't work harder. It means we just redefine things a little.
So -- Define the goal. More specifically, define the LONG TERM goal. Or, also known as, the final goal or the final outcome you want to achieve. Rather than being vague -- define actually what you want to do. To do this -- remember the following equation.
Goal = Behavior + Frequency/Intensity + Time
In other words, here is a good example -- I want to 50 pounds by the end of this year.
Another example -- I want to read 1 chapter in my Bible each day.
Or --- I want to quit smoking by March 31st.
OR -- I want to exercise 4 times a week for 45 minutes each session (or for 45 minutes total in a day - i.e. sessions can be broken up in a day for time reasons).
Remember -- Behavior (like lose weight) + Frequency/Intensity/Amount (like pounds) + Time (your deadline in a way or the "how often" this will happen)
Okay, got your goal? Let's move forward -- The next step is always the hardest -- what is your plan? In this you will have to create "in between" goals. It is hard for some people because we look at the enormity of our goal and figure "Nope -- no way I can finish that one. I messed up a couple times. I am just going to quit. Try again next year!!" In reality, we have a tendency to only make a single goal and we never bother to stop and offer ourselves a pat on the back. We forget to look at the progress we have made and ONLY look at how far we are from our final goal. So, what are good in between goals? Easy -- they are your stepping stones. Examples --
I will lose 2-3 pounds per week. (that is a healthy weight loss per week by the way).
I will cut my 2 pack a day cigarette habit down to 1 pack by the end of January. By the end of Feb., I will cut that in half into 1/2 a pack. By the end of March, I will be finished smoking.
I will start out reading a total of half a chapter every three days (or 1/3rd a chapter each day) for 4 weeks. After 4 weeks, I will increase to 1/2 a chapter a day (1 total chapter every other day). After another 4 weeks (2 months), I will read 2/3rds of a chapter each day (a little over 4 chapters in a week). After another 4 weeks, I will increase that to a whole chapter a day. (If you then want to go MORE than that -- go for it -- but remember -- don't increase too fast too soon or you WILL burn out).
That burn out rule applies to any goal. If I wanted to lose weight, and I made a goal to lose 10 pounds a week (very unhealthy and extremely hard), then after a week I will be frustrated and quit.
If I wanted to eventually read 3 chapters in my Bible a day, and I immediately started out with that (if I haven't had an already everyday reading habit in place), then I will quickly get mad at myself if I miss a single day of that.
The same can be said for ANYTHING. If you smoke and have EVER tried quitting cold turkey, you know how hard that is.
If you want to reduce a habit, then reduce it slowly and you have a higher chance of succeeding. If you want to increase something, then do it slowly. You will better have a chance of making it a habit for LIFE - not just a couple months.
Now -- define your plan a little better once you come up with good in between goals. Your number of in between goals WILL vary. Make sure they are attainable and they make sense. If they deal with your health, make sure they are healthy. If you have health problems, talk to a doctor. It is important not to put yourself in danger. So, make a plan for how you will do this.
I will lose weight by following (This is actually straight from a contingency plan I made up a while back)
o Exercise
§ Exercise will be done 6 days out of the week. MWF will be days for aerobic exercise for up to an hour including the following:
· Walking the Ladiga Trail (A trail near me when I wrote this) up to 3-4 miles
· Riding exercise bike
· Exercise DVDs
· Wii Fit
· Tennis
§ T/Th will be devoted to anaerobic exercise for 30-40 minutes including the following:
· Weight Lifting
· Ab workouts
· Lunges/Squats
· Yoga
· Stretching exercises for flexibility
§ Saturday will be a combination of both types of exercise for up to an hour. Sunday will be a day of rest in more ways than one.
o Diet
§ The diet will be an 1800-calorie a day exchange diet given to me by a dietician. It is an ADA (American Diabetics Association) approved diet including low carb intake and more fruits and veggies.
Plan things out carefully -- If you have a way to do this, again, your goal won't seem as vague.
Next -- come up with reinforcers and punishers. Our behavior is best altered by using reinforcers and punishers. A reinforcer is defined as something that increases the likelihood that a behavior will occur again. Something isn't named a reinforcer UNTIL it has that effect of increasing the behavior. A punished decreases the behavior - but is only named as such after it has shown to actually have that effect of decreasing the behavior. Some common things used as punishers really aren't all the time. If a child hits their sibling and is spanked as punishment, but the behavior INCREASES - the spanking isn't a punished. Oddly, it would be called a reinforcer.
So, come up with a reinforcer for each of your in between goals. Also, come up with punishers and what behavior causes you to get that punisher. For example, if I miss exercise for X number of days in a row (unless due to sickness), then I will do X as a punisher. Do NOT use extreme amounts of the behavior you want to change in order to punish yourself. I mean to say -- if you miss exercise (or reading your Bible) for 2 days in a row, don't make yourself exercise an extra 2 hours for punishment. That's nutty -- and it will turn the BEHAVIOR you want to make a habit into punishment. Not a good idea. Some people use money as punishers -- as in giving it away. I know someone that was quitting smoking. He was also a pretty serious conservative and hated the ACLU and EVERYTHING it stood for. So -- if he smoked more than his cut off amount for his in between goal -- or smoked at all during the period he had FINALLY quit -- his punisher? donating money to the ACLU. He made the contingency plan with a friend there to make him accountable. To say the least -- it kept him in line. He no more wanted to give up on quitting than he did wanted to donate to an evil organization in his mind.
Reinforcers can be ANYTHING that you wish to WORK for. Maybe you want to go on a trip at the end of your final goal. Maybe a good in between goal reinforcer for losing weight would be a nice new pair of pants (after all it is also a need lol). Make reinforcers that make sense and will be things you want to work for.
Now -- when you have come up with all this -- if you look back at it. You have a FULL plan to actually make your goals attainable!! Now, last part -- type it up or write it up and sign it, date it, and show it to a friend that will keep you accountable. Last -- get to work!!
I really hope this helps someone.
There is an optimistic belief widespread among the generous-hearted that the average human being has only to become sufficiently acquainted with another's trouble or danger to transfer it to his own shoulders not merely unhesitatingly but gladly. --Margery Allingham
Bear one another's burdens. Galatians 6:2
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