Re: [FamilyofGod] Letter of forgiveness (Need to vent)

I'm sorry to say this, but, the truth is that he does not know the why, what for or even how he got to that point. God is great, coffee is good and people are beautiful --- On Mon, 5/25/09, Naomi Martin <choir_girl_2009@yahoo.com> wrote: From: Naomi Martin <choir_girl_2009@yahoo.com> Subject: [FamilyofGod] Letter of forgiveness (Need to vent) To: FamilyofGod@yahoogroups.com, ShelleysChatRoom@yahoogroups.com Date: Monday, May 25, 2009, 9:37 AM Sorry about this letter y'all, I don't know of any other safe place to put this, and who better to be there to help me through this than my family?   Dear Xavier,  Whew, this is probably the most painful letter I have ever, or will ever write. I wanted to talk to you about December 9th 2006. I know you likely dont remember what happened that day, but sadly I do. I don't know if I will ever forget. Remember, that was a cold day just before the snow fell? It was supposed to rain that day, and did earlier that day but by lunch time at noon the grass was dry again and it was nice.. Cold, but nice. You and I, newly engaged, went out onto the lawn like we did every day that week, to eat lunch. But NOTHING was like any other day. Remember? That day you took me to sit beside the equipment shed so I wouldnt get to much of a breeze and catch cold, sat me beside you on the grass with my food next to me, like usual. But then you started to talk to me about all the times your dad returned from his job in Japan with different weapons for you. I remember because three days before you had shown me at school a BEAUTIFUL samuri sword your dad had brought back. Then the look in your eyes changed and I got so scared. I wanted to scream but, I knew by your look that if I did, you might hit me or something. Xavier, why didn't you see how terrified I was and stop? Why did you rape me? I wish I knew the answers to all this. I wish I knew why. I thought you were such a wonderful guy, you were so nice to me before, such a loving, kind, considerate, polite, respectful gentleman. I wish I knew why you turned into a monster. To this day I still have that bleeding hole in my heart, I still hate myself for being so scared that I didn't go to the police right away, that I was so scared I didn't scream or try to fight you off. I wish I had never gone out with you in the first place. You see, I loved you xavier, really loved you, I trusted you. Now, I don't know if I will ever trust again, CAN ever really trust or open up again, to anyone. I just, I want you to know that I'm trying to forgive you for what you did to me, and I will keep trying to forgive you until I can. I'm sorry that you felt you needed to rape me for some reason, I really am xavier. I hope and pray that we can be friends one day. Praying for you, Naomi   There is no greater love than this, to give up your life willingly for others.